Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened ~ Dr. Seuss

Ack, first post in too long.

Egn, going to do this more often now, I think.

Likely...I'll probably lose interest again.

But I'm down to the last maybe few months in Canberra, Australia. Who knows for how long, but it won't be too long. Either way, I'm afraid I'll forget a lot of my experiences here. I'd like to keep those memories. ATM, I'm sort of still writing up the thesis and finishing the last, painful experiments. It would be nice to be done now...

I've grown quite comfortable here, made some good friends in the last year, so it feels as though I've been here for years. But after a weekend trip to Sydney, I caught the travel bug again. I could picture myself living in Sydney, or any other big city again. Canberra is quite tiny and cosy.

I'm not entirely sure what I'll do after. A lot of the time I wonder if I'm at all suited for research. And if I'm having doubts now, perhaps it's time I threw in the towel rather than commit the rest of my life to it. Still, I've started emailing other labs. Regardless, I'm still interested in biology & science.

I've also started thinking and looking into other career paths, publishing, sci journalism, med school etc. Virtually everything related to biology I could think of, excepting technical work. If i'm going to stay at the bench, I'd rather work on my own projects rather than someone else's. Mostly because it forces me to grow, to be challenged, stimulated and to develop. When I let someone else take the reins before...I kinda sat back and shut my mind off.

~~~ On a regular day ~~~

Yesterday and last night it rained like Vancouver. In other words, like Kingdom Come.

I couldn't be bothered to catch the bus in the monsoon outside (10 mins to bus stop, 25 mins home, another 10 min walk) so I stayed over in the lab. Something I'd done once before..and frankly, over time, I'd stocked up on extra clothes, bathroom essentials etc. I showered, then borrowed a few tea room sofa cushions and set up camp. Texted my flatmate that I was safe but not going home that night.

I'm in the lab everyday from pretty much 11-9. Not that I'm fastidiously hard at work constantly, but just to stay sane and focussed, I stretch out the hours a bit. Taking long breaks in between.

I took my time finishing up the experiments of the day ~ an unsuccessful PCR/gel, Realtime PCR and destaining about 100 plant samples (i.e. turning my plants blue). Had my music on loud.

Around 1 am I was drunk texted by a friend...as per usual now so that it's become a running joke. Everytime he'd quote a line from Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus, and maybe another lyric.

~~~ All I want is to one day come to know myself~~~

One of the best things about moving here is being submerged in the Australian Indie Scene. It's so well established, experimental but polished and gorgeous. Australian artists are so underrated. Some, like Sarah Blasko or Angus and Julia Stone, take you to another world while making you look inside yourself.

~~~

I'm leaving dating & relationships completely on the side with my days quickly dwindling in town..or in the country. I'd had my long distance relationship, and the last thing I'd do is hop into another one. People tell you it's difficult, and it is, it's very emotionally harrowing. Now, a year later with the past behind me, I really hold onto being single and free. Sometimes I feel like it'd be nice to have someone, but...I don't feel ready for it yet and I could very well get used to be single for a long time. Simply because it affords me the freedom to make my own choices and not compromise anything.

I could also use less distractions while I finish and throw myself into my education and career. Much of the time, I still feel emotionally unstable and immature. I find when you're in a relationship with someone, it only exacerbates whatever emotional weaknesses you have. It's always a work in progress on navigating around problems. But I can feel myself mellowing out now, and hopefully it will continue down that line.

~~~~Losing My Religion~~~~

Which, I haven't literally, but there were points in time this year where I thought I was going crazy.

I'd recently found another church close to where I work, more like the one I'd attended growing up in Canada. It's a very liberal one, and one in which I'm more used to. So I'll be going to that one from now on.

It was good trying out other churches for a while, and I'd made many close friendships that way. But the msgs were frequently apocalyptic, focussing on preparing for the end of days, converting other people for their salvation, and preserving the sanctity of one's own soul. After a while, I'd felt somewhat claustrophobic in that environment and always clunking heads with my friends. I think there's more to life than preparing for heaven.