Time Means Nothing at all

~ Lisa Mitchell

"You're wrong, eggroll, I know exactly what I'm talking about. I may not be the most pleasant person to be around, but I got the best woman who was ever on this planet to marry me. I worked at it, it was the best thing ever happened to me. Hands down. But you, you know, you're letting Click-Clack, Ding-Dong and Charlie Chan just walk out with Miss What's-her-face. Miss Yum Yum. She likes you, you know? Though I don't know why!"

~ Clint Eastwood to Azn Kid in Gran Torino

(Just for fun...)

Last night I watched Gran Torino.

Like nearly every epic American drama (Eastwood films like Mystic River, or Spielberg's Saving Priv. Ry) it contains a frustrating death, but all rights are wronged, and everyone gets what's deserved.

It's a good film, a window on a micro culture in the states, an ethnic Laos minority that fought in the "Secret War" during the Vietnam Era. Essentially, the Americans recruited a minority group in Laos to conduct guerrilla wars in Laos. After the war, they abandoned these people and they subsequently persecuted. Many became refugees, few were able to flee to the US, others were stranded in Thailand in squalid conditions. In the 90s US lobby groups and the Republican Congress began to put pressure on the Clinton government to allow the remaining refugees emigrate to the states. Clinton was strongly against this, however the Republicans prevailed highlighting the guilt of the 70s American government in leaving their allies behind.

~~~

I procrastinated most of this weekend playing Plants vs Zombies. 5 hours on saturday. 3 hours today after work. I finished it last year..then got addicted..again.

After a few hours the guilt builds up. I should be working or doing something constructive. :S

I started writing in my lab notebook. Or filling it in. I half-assed it for a full year (i.e. left notes/few figures so I could refer to what I did..but no one else will be able to).

Last time I put in a proper entry was Jul 13th, 2009. Over a year ago.

In other words, last time I had sufficient focus and peace of mind to really sit and think was the day my ex and I stopped talking. I asked him to pass on my personal possessions to a mutual friend. which he never did. It's funny to realize it's been that long now. A friend of mine told me sometimes it takes the full length of the relationship to fully get over someone. It's a remarkably pleasant surprise, the moments when you realize you are in fact, "over it". The break up wounds are battle scars, now giving you character.

I also realized how much work I put into the last year of my projects, while translating my chicken scratch to words.

While I was structuring my thesis with my supervisor, I felt like I did nothing. I pretty much accomplished zilch compared to what I put in. It's a frustrating thought, because it means the majority of my projects didn't work out. Which, seems to be the prevailing trend..the running joke..of my field/the lab. The golden girl/PhD says 60% of her stuff is bollocks. The Golden Boy in the Immunology dept says it's lucky if 60% of your stuff works..usually it's more like 80% is down the drain. Not really comforting...But misery loves company.

I opened my drawer of seed stocks the other day, while the postdoc was passing by.

She said I have far more seeds than she did during her PhD.

Such is the nature of the beast when you work with transgenic plants/organisms.

Each small manila envelope represents the seeds harvested from one plant. I have about 500 of these.

Each plant life cycle is 3 weeks. I think I may have a bit of an alcohol dependency...again. A social one though..in my defense...

I never really realize how much time has passed, until I take stock of what I've done in the past year.

Time means nothing at all, when you realize how action packed on year of your life can be.